Resiliency is a Process

     I woke up this morning EXHAUSTED! When April 1st comes around I will not have had a day off in over 40 days. (sounds like a fast). I woke up this morning thinking of everything I need to do today, about this past week and my various conversations with people in my ministry and people who I have to work with on a HUGE project here at church. I won't lie - I am ready for some time away. Honestly, I have been pretty beaten up this week. I'm not saying that I didn't deserve the beatings, it's just why did they all have to come within a couple of days of each other.  And had this been the case 15 years ago I probably would have just left. However, leaving or walking away isn't the answer. Sure, I might get some physical rest, but emotionally I would be a wreck because all of this work is waiting for me to do and people are relying on me to keep my act together and "produce". And yet, this isn't my first rodeo. I've been thrown off the horse, so to speak, and eventually climbed back on after a beating or two. So today I continue to plod along, put my nose to the grindstone, run the race, ...you pick the analogy.

     But isn't our faith a lot like this. If you are reading this and you are a follower of Christ you probably remember the day that you were able to say those words, "I am now a Christian". But that wasn't the end was it? It's not like saying those words made you immediately a better person. No, as a matter of fact ALL it did was allow God to see you as righteous and gave you the power to change, but it was a PROCESS. And as time went on you continued to face trials, heartache, and pain. But each time you did, and you made the choice to choose the "right" path, you became stronger - you became more resilient. Gordon MacDonald said this about resilient Christians, "...it describes a life-journey in which one walks in the ways of Christ and gradually becomes more like Him in conduct and inner orientation. Resilient people think in terms of a big picture, and this is one of the things they think about and ask themselves as they look down the road of their journeys: Am I becoming a Christian?" 

     So many times, as Christians, we do something stupid that the world sees and gives Christianity a bad rap. I wish the world could understand that Christianity is a process. When we get angry and loose our temper with someone, treat the cashier at Wally-world like an idiot, erase ALL your computer files on your work computer 'cause you got fired and your ego won't let you see that you are replaceable - I wish the world could see that we are imperfect and still growing and becoming resilient to the junk of this world. Romans 5:3-5 says,  "³ We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. ⁴ And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. ⁵ And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love." 

     I know you may be having a horrible day or week. Or maybe your week isn't horrible, but man you wish you didn't have to deal with some of the things going on in your life, so REJOICE! God loves you and me, He wants to fill your heart with love. I think about this every time I walk into a store and have had a long day and probably not in the best of moods. I ask the Lord to allow me to show love. That the love He has placed in my heart will be seen. When I do this - consciously - it is amazing how I see that person blocking the aisle with their buggy, or the cashier who will hardly acknowledge that I am standing in his/her line and keeps screwing up the check-out. I simply smile because maybe they are having a bad day too. Maybe they just need someone to acknowledge their presence with a simple hello or kind word. Maybe.

The Frustrated Mustard Seed

     I had a very interesting conversation yesterday with several people who I trust and look to for feedback, ideas, help, and friendship. One of them I had not met with in some time and to be frank, she let me have it. My first instinct was to bow up and get defensive - fight back. But, again this was from someone I trust and value her input; this was not someone from the outside and maybe just didn't understand me or the ministry. And so I listened as she shared her frustrations about me and the ministry we serve and I desperately fought the urge to go on the offensive. Oh, and I could have, 'cause I love a good fight and so I always have ammunition in the chamber...but I digress. Let me get to one of her frustrations. 
      She expressed how frustrated she was due to the seemingly lack of "growth" or "change" within our group, especially our leadership. Previously before coming to our ministry she had been involved with ministries where people were uprooting their lives to go "change" the world. As she was talking about how frustrated she is with people when they hear a lesson or are challenged but not applying it to their lives I began to think of those in our ministry who had changed. Those individuals whose lives are completely going in the opposite direction of where they were headed 1, 2, or more years ago.
     And then I read Mark 4:26-32. ²⁶And he said, "The kingdom of God is as if a man should scatter seed on the ground. ²⁷He sleeps and rises night and day, and the seed sprouts and grows; he knows not how. ²⁸The earth produces by itself, first the blade, then the ear, then the full grain in the ear. ²⁹But when the grain is ripe, at once he puts in the sickle, because the harvest has come." ³⁰And he said, "With what can we compare the kingdom of God, or what parable shall we use for it? ³¹It is like a grain of mustard seed, which, when sown on the ground, is the smallest of all the seeds on earth, ³²yet when it is sown it grows up and becomes larger than all the garden plants and puts out large branches, so that the birds of the air can make nests in its shade." 
     Before I begin to dissect this parable I want to say that I too get frustrated at times when I personally cannot measure the growth of others, or see change in behavior, or able to count how many people are walking with the Lord and walking in righteousness. First of all it's not my job to judge this or even within my ability to see the change from within. 
     Back to the parable: Verses 26-29 talks about how a farmer scatters a seed, but really has nothing to do but watch it grow. It grows by itself without the help of humans. For me we are to spread the Word, but it is up to the Lord to allow that to grow. Secondly, 30-32 talks of the Mustard seed. How does one of the smallest seeds in the world grow to have enormous branches that provide shade, shelter, and beauty to others. I would like to point out one thing. Here Jesus was speaking of the kingdom of God. It was believed in His time that the Christ would come suddenly and overnight and change the world. However, Jesus says "look, the kingdom isn't going to happen overnight - it's gonna take some time." Jim's paraphrase. 
     I think there are times when we throw down a mustard seed, water it a little, put some potting soil around, go to sleep and then wake up the next day and expect to see a mature, fully grown tree. I'm not saying that there are those seeds that do seem to pop out of the ground a little quicker, grow to what seems like a mature adult that is reproducing, providing shelter, shade and a place to find refuge - but that's the exception and a-typical. 
     As my friend was talking about this I was thinking of a young lady who three years ago could be in a room, never open her mouth, scared to even discuss spiritual things, and most people wouldn't even KNOW she was in the room. Now, three years later she reaches out to new people, she enjoys the spiritual conversations, she is concerned for the spiritual growth of those around us. I thought of another young man who grew up under a different teaching of the scriptures/theology and see him now serving on one of our teams. How he has matured and grown. But this has taken years, not days or even weeks.
     So how does this apply to us. 1) I think this type of frustration is healthy and good. If there is not a frustration or dissatisfaction with where we are then why try. Why share the Word? Why reach out to those who are hurting? Why come together and worship? I love these conversations, even though they can be uncomfortable at times. These conversations help push me to be better, to strive harder, to reflect upon my actions, thoughts, and ideas. We need to be frustrated.
     Secondly, we must recognize that "growth" and "change" don't always come overnight. I would bet that change almost NEVER comes overnight or even quickly. We must remember that "...the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart." (I Samuel 16:7) We don't always know how long the Lord has been working within someone, we only see the decision that is made whether drastic, life altering, or even unnoticeable. But it's there. God is working. We must keep working!
     Thank you "friend" for this conversation. I pray that their will be fruit. 
      

What was I thinking?

     This past week I went on a trip to Guatemala and one afternoon I had the opportunity to take an adventurous ride on a scooter around Antigua, Guatemala.  I would say for most people this is probably an incredibly stupid, crazy, and unwise activity to pursue in a foreign land! Why? As an American we believe  traffic signs and laws should be adhered to by the letter, whereas, in Guatemala these are merely suggestions. Oh, yes - a stop sign merely means yield. Lanes of traffic only matter if someone else is there. However, when you are on a scooter it is expected that you stay on the right hand shoulder. You don't swerve to the right or the left, cause you will get HIT by anything and everything!
     My experience riding a scooter in Guatemala was appropriate as I was reading this mornings in Proverbs. Solomon says this in chapter 4, "Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure. Do not swerve to the right or to the left..." The FIRST word in this scripture is what really stood out to me. Ponder by definition means "to consider something deeply and thoroughly; meditate". How many decisions do we make each day without truly pondering on them. In grad school I was a graduate assistant for a professor teaching Eco-tourism. We had a large project coming up and she had lost her voice and asked me to present the project and answer any questions the students might have. At the end of class she praised me and was impressed that I was able to answer the questions so quickly without having to spend anytime thinking things through. I was just as amazed as she was.  However, it wasn't until we started putting the project in place that we realized that I should have pondered some of my answers. Thankfully they weren't critical, but had I just given a minute to each of the questions to think about the long term effect of my answer we could have saved time in the end.
     My point is this: even though some of life's questions appear simple and seem to not need a lot of time in thinking them through - maybe we should. Even though a question may not seem incredibly important at the time, it may have lasting consequences on your life. Each time I wanted to turn to the right or left in Guatemala I had to decide if it was safe or not. Now, riding a scooter was easy to decide - all I had to do was look over my shoulder and see if there was a bright, shiny big bus coming up beside me. However, in the adventures of life we don't have the opportunity to look over our shoulder to see if there is a big red bus coming up ready to plow us over.  Therefore, each decision must be made with careful thought and purpose - even those decisions that seem inconsequential.
     Remember Indiana Jones in the Search for the Holy Grail! The old English Knight told Indie - "Choose wisely!"

The Fig Tree

Lately I have been reflecting on my life.  I have been reflecting on where I am spiritually, professionally, and relationally. I was feeling a little "far" from God today and so I simply asked Him to share with me today. As I do every time I open His word I turn to Proverbs and read the chapter that coincides with the days date. Honestly, nothing jumped out at me.

So I then turned to the New Testament. Mark 11:12-14 literally JUMPED off the page at me. This is what Mark recounts of Jesus that day: "On the following day, when they came from Bethany, he (Jesus) was hungry. 13 And seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf (leaves in full bloom meant there should be figs), he went to see if he could find anything on it. When he came to it, he found nothing but leaves for it was not the season for figs. 14 And he said to it, "May no one ever eat fruit from you again." And his disciples heard it." (italics added by me)

As I began to study these 3 verses, I discovered that the fig tree was used in the Old Testament as a metaphor for Israel's standing before God. I realized, sadly, that the fig tree could be used as a metaphor for my life as well. You see, my life has ALL the leaves. I pray, I go to worship, I talk about God and who He is in my life...but can anyone find a "fig" or "fruit" of righteousness in my life. I have all the outward signs of a believer (leaves), but where is my fruit? What does that look like? Lord knows I am not always a good representative of the gospel.

Maybe you are in the same "rut" as I seem to be. But don't be disheartened. Jesus gives a short answer that seems to almost have nothing to do with "figs".  He says in verse 22, "Have faith in God." Huh? What does having faith have to do with having fruit in our lives. I think Jesus was saying two things here.

First, we must trust that God can remove anything that hinders us from bearing good fruit. Sometimes that is simply allowing us to have a fresh outlook on how we worship. Instead of our worship being a ritualistic or even habitual event, worship becomes new, refreshing, and exciting.

Secondly, in that simple verb, "HAVE", requires for us to do something. We must be willing to ask God for faith. To ask Him to remove any doubts, transgressions, or temptations that keep us from faith.

So, have faith! All you have to do is ask. See what else Jesus says in Mark 11.

My Favorite Time of the Day!

Monday was our first day to put Addison in day care. I will admit, I'm usually pretty easy going and my thoughts were, "No big deal. Thousands of families everyday put their children in childcare and everything turns out find." Well, I showed up that afternoon to pick her up and she had been balling her eyes out. I was so freaked out that as I was introduced to a local celebrity I hardly even noticed and didn't even ask for an autograph. My second thought after, "What have you done to my child? If you would have just followed the instructions!!!" was, "That's it Lord, I am going to find job in the secular world where I know I could make at least twice as much and that way Chandra wouldn't have to work and she could stay home. I'll still share your word, but I'm not going to let this happen to my child. She is obviously traumatized and the therapy bills from this ordeal after only being alive for 3 months is going to be long and costly." I even teared up a little. But after a few minutes in the car I calmed down and realized that there will be an adjustment period.

However, the next day when I went to pick her up (although she wasn't crying) was almost more traumatizing to the parents in that they fed her 30 minutes before her mom comes home to feed her. Momma bear was not a happy camper. But again, once we got in the car I was able to calm down and she was peaceful in her car seat looking at the mirror looking at me. Then...yesterday happened! She was fine. She had eaten well. She had slept well. And when we got in the car she was actually smiling through her mirror every time I would look at her. We have been around Addie 24/7 for the past 3 months - we know her cries, we know her smiles, we know when she's tired and when she is hungry and when she is not. We've had 3 months to get to know her. Our daycare has had 5 days - and they have probably done just as good if not better than we have. It just takes time to get to know the other.

And today, I was sitting in my chair in front of my computer (iMac if you must know) and reflecting on this past week and realized that right around noon I began to count down the hours until I go and pick her up from daycare. I become anxious. I start to get excited with anticipation for those little moments when she is finally in my arms and we climb in the car and she begins to laugh and respond to my smile and my voice. THAT is my favorite time of the day!

And then it dawned on me! Our Father is sitting in His chair in heaven counting down the hours for when we talk. He is looking forward with anticipation for those special little moments He gets to hear our laugh and watch with expectation our response when we hear His voice. Unlike me on that first day, He is prepared for when we cry and are in despair or traumatized by life's heartaches. And I'm sure He is thinking, "If you had only followed My instructions." But instead, He waits for  us with a deep anticipation of picking us up in His arms and getting to spend that time with us.

How long does He have to wait for us?

Luke 12:6-7

Hangin' w/ the Wife

As you know, maybe you don't, Chandra and I have a new kid in our home. Well, actually she's the only kid. And for the last 7 months Chandra and I really haven't been on a date where we weren't around other people or she felt up to herself. Well, this past weekend my in-laws were in town and watched the kid for us while Chandra and I went to have coffee.
Now, I must admit that over the past few months I have been moaning about how I wasn't able to go to my favorite conference of the year. You might be saying to yourself, "somebody call the waaaaambulance!" You don't understand. This conference is soooo amazing. It is where I get renewed. Refreshed. Excited. Fresh ideas. Etc. This year I didn't get to go because of Addison being due on that weekend. Having a kid is definitely better than a conference, but on a different level.
So here I am in the middle of fall, and I must admit, dragging a little. I am trying to figure out my job again, now that I no longer teach on a regular basis, trying to figure out life with an infant in the house, how to balance work, wife, and kid. Obviously it can be done. Men have been doing it for millions of years. I just (in the words of Number 5 from Short Circuit) need input!
Well, Saturday night turned out to be that. INPUT! I had forgotten what it was like to hang out with your best friend. To talk and share your ideas, concerns, emotions with someone. And I mean really share. Not just what's going on in your life, but what is under the surface. We didn't do much, but it was probably one of my favorite dates of all time. What an encourager she is to me. And it isn't necessarily that we had these deep philosophical ideas, but rather that she knows me well enough to tell me where I am faltering, doing well, could do better, reminder of what my dreams are.
Saturday was more than that, however. Saturday was a reminder that we were created for fellowship. However, our idea of fellowship is to go have a meal with some friends, drink a $5 cup of coffee that cost the company 32 cents. Talk about your job, maybe your relationship with your friends, boyfriend, or girlfriend. But we were made to go deeper than that. Yes, we need to talk about those things, but we need to talk about the dreams that we have, the plan/will God has for us. We need to remind each other that we aren't here to simply absorb, walk around crying about needing this and needing that. You see, what my wife helped me walk through while I was thinking and bemoaning the fact that I needed to be "filled" up or for someone to invest in me, was that I really needed to invest in others. I needed to share my thoughts, wisdom (what little there is) and ideas with others. To walk with others as they struggle with life and look for answers. The beauty of Christ coming to earth is that we have the freedom to go out and absorb. But Galatians 5:13 says this, "For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another." It's that last part that we need to focus on. We have the freedom to go and do whatever selfish desires we want. But if we focus on love and serving others that is when we are truly "filled" up and made complete. You see, I came to understand this about myself. As long as I was focused on me, filling me up, getting what I thought I needed only left me with a longing for something that would never be fulfilling. But when I focus on serving others I am full.
Are you full? Are you looking for more? Maybe it's time to start focusing on others and serve. So here is/are some reminders: 1) if you are married, go on a date. have adult conversations and get below the surface; 2) if you are single, find that special someone (no not a boyfriend or girlfriend per se) that you can share your desires for ministry and life; and 3) SERVE!

The New Kid!

So, we have a new kid in our family. Well, actually, she's the only kid in our family. (yes, I hear Jenny Bien out there saying, "SHE'S NOT A KID, SHE'S A BABY"). Get over it. On September 30, 2009 at 10:10 p.m. Chandra gave birth to little Addison Jane Storms. Can I first just say that she is amazing?! It is amazing to see this little child that Chandra and I created.

She is now 1 month old and growing like a weed. She has her good days and her not so good days, but for the most part she has been an incredibly easy baby. Of course I don't have to get up at all hours in the morning to feed - at least not yet. But she is truly wonderful and we are blessed to have her in our lives.

With the addition of Addison to our lives, things have changed. Again, I know I talk about this often, but we no longer have the freedom that we once had. We can no longer just "pick up and go", it takes about an hour for us to get her and us ready to leave the house. And since my wife is the sole provider of nourishment for her, that means we only have about 2 hours to be out and about.

Back to this freedom. My wife and I have given up much in order for Addie to have her freedom. Her freedom to not worry, to grow, to play, and to just be a baby/kid. And when I think about her there is nothing I would do to keep her safe, healthy and strong. I saw a movie last week about a man who lost his daughter through a gruesome act of violence. I will be honest, for the first time in my life I sympathized with a bad guy in a movie. He wanted justice. I understood. I don't know that I would do what he did, but I totally understand why he did the things he did. Having a child changes your world upside down and truly shows what unconditional love is all about. I love my wife. I love her dearly. I cannot imagine being married to anyone else. But, occasionally we have disagreements and in those moments I'm not so sure that my love for her is unconditional. With Addie, it doesn't matter how fussy, how long she cries, how many poopie diapers I have to change - my love never changes with her. I will do anything for her. However, sometimes when she doesn't want to go to sleep we let her stay in her crib and cry (only for 10-20 minutes and then she is fast asleep), but if we don't then her schedule is ALL messed up and later in the day she has a really hard time. So we watch her with our night time vision monitor and wait for her to rest.

I think this is the first time I really get how God sees us. He created us! He gave up sooooo much for us. I would never sacrifice my child to save others, but He did! He will do ANYTHING for us and He did! He allowed His son to die a gruesome death in order to be with us. And yet, sometimes He has to let us cry. You see, it is during those times when we cry that we learn. We learn that God has a purpose for us. We learn that He wants the best for us. But when we try to do what we think is best is when we end up seemingly all alone and crying in our crib. We think that when we are in that pain and anguish that God has left us - but really He is watching us on his night vision monitor and just waiting for us to rest.