She is now 1 month old and growing like a weed. She has her good days and her not so good days, but for the most part she has been an incredibly easy baby. Of course I don't have to get up at all hours in the morning to feed - at least not yet. But she is truly wonderful and we are blessed to have her in our lives.
With the addition of Addison to our lives, things have changed. Again, I know I talk about this often, but we no longer have the freedom that we once had. We can no longer just "pick up and go", it takes about an hour for us to get her and us ready to leave the house. And since my wife is the sole provider of nourishment for her, that means we only have about 2 hours to be out and about.
Back to this freedom. My wife and I have given up much in order for Addie to have her freedom. Her freedom to not worry, to grow, to play, and to just be a baby/kid. And when I think about her there is nothing I would do to keep her safe, healthy and strong. I saw a movie last week about a man who lost his daughter through a gruesome act of violence. I will be honest, for the first time in my life I sympathized with a bad guy in a movie. He wanted justice. I understood. I don't know that I would do what he did, but I totally understand why he did the things he did. Having a child changes your world upside down and truly shows what unconditional love is all about. I love my wife. I love her dearly. I cannot imagine being married to anyone else. But, occasionally we have disagreements and in those moments I'm not so sure that my love for her is unconditional. With Addie, it doesn't matter how fussy, how long she cries, how many poopie diapers I have to change - my love never changes with her. I will do anything for her. However, sometimes when she doesn't want to go to sleep we let her stay in her crib and cry (only for 10-20 minutes and then she is fast asleep), but if we don't then her schedule is ALL messed up and later in the day she has a really hard time. So we watch her with our night time vision monitor and wait for her to rest.
I think this is the first time I really get how God sees us. He created us! He gave up sooooo much for us. I would never sacrifice my child to save others, but He did! He will do ANYTHING for us and He did! He allowed His son to die a gruesome death in order to be with us. And yet, sometimes He has to let us cry. You see, it is during those times when we cry that we learn. We learn that God has a purpose for us. We learn that He wants the best for us. But when we try to do what we think is best is when we end up seemingly all alone and crying in our crib. We think that when we are in that pain and anguish that God has left us - but really He is watching us on his night vision monitor and just waiting for us to rest.
