Hangin' w/ the Wife

As you know, maybe you don't, Chandra and I have a new kid in our home. Well, actually she's the only kid. And for the last 7 months Chandra and I really haven't been on a date where we weren't around other people or she felt up to herself. Well, this past weekend my in-laws were in town and watched the kid for us while Chandra and I went to have coffee.
Now, I must admit that over the past few months I have been moaning about how I wasn't able to go to my favorite conference of the year. You might be saying to yourself, "somebody call the waaaaambulance!" You don't understand. This conference is soooo amazing. It is where I get renewed. Refreshed. Excited. Fresh ideas. Etc. This year I didn't get to go because of Addison being due on that weekend. Having a kid is definitely better than a conference, but on a different level.
So here I am in the middle of fall, and I must admit, dragging a little. I am trying to figure out my job again, now that I no longer teach on a regular basis, trying to figure out life with an infant in the house, how to balance work, wife, and kid. Obviously it can be done. Men have been doing it for millions of years. I just (in the words of Number 5 from Short Circuit) need input!
Well, Saturday night turned out to be that. INPUT! I had forgotten what it was like to hang out with your best friend. To talk and share your ideas, concerns, emotions with someone. And I mean really share. Not just what's going on in your life, but what is under the surface. We didn't do much, but it was probably one of my favorite dates of all time. What an encourager she is to me. And it isn't necessarily that we had these deep philosophical ideas, but rather that she knows me well enough to tell me where I am faltering, doing well, could do better, reminder of what my dreams are.
Saturday was more than that, however. Saturday was a reminder that we were created for fellowship. However, our idea of fellowship is to go have a meal with some friends, drink a $5 cup of coffee that cost the company 32 cents. Talk about your job, maybe your relationship with your friends, boyfriend, or girlfriend. But we were made to go deeper than that. Yes, we need to talk about those things, but we need to talk about the dreams that we have, the plan/will God has for us. We need to remind each other that we aren't here to simply absorb, walk around crying about needing this and needing that. You see, what my wife helped me walk through while I was thinking and bemoaning the fact that I needed to be "filled" up or for someone to invest in me, was that I really needed to invest in others. I needed to share my thoughts, wisdom (what little there is) and ideas with others. To walk with others as they struggle with life and look for answers. The beauty of Christ coming to earth is that we have the freedom to go out and absorb. But Galatians 5:13 says this, "For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another." It's that last part that we need to focus on. We have the freedom to go and do whatever selfish desires we want. But if we focus on love and serving others that is when we are truly "filled" up and made complete. You see, I came to understand this about myself. As long as I was focused on me, filling me up, getting what I thought I needed only left me with a longing for something that would never be fulfilling. But when I focus on serving others I am full.
Are you full? Are you looking for more? Maybe it's time to start focusing on others and serve. So here is/are some reminders: 1) if you are married, go on a date. have adult conversations and get below the surface; 2) if you are single, find that special someone (no not a boyfriend or girlfriend per se) that you can share your desires for ministry and life; and 3) SERVE!

The New Kid!

So, we have a new kid in our family. Well, actually, she's the only kid in our family. (yes, I hear Jenny Bien out there saying, "SHE'S NOT A KID, SHE'S A BABY"). Get over it. On September 30, 2009 at 10:10 p.m. Chandra gave birth to little Addison Jane Storms. Can I first just say that she is amazing?! It is amazing to see this little child that Chandra and I created.

She is now 1 month old and growing like a weed. She has her good days and her not so good days, but for the most part she has been an incredibly easy baby. Of course I don't have to get up at all hours in the morning to feed - at least not yet. But she is truly wonderful and we are blessed to have her in our lives.

With the addition of Addison to our lives, things have changed. Again, I know I talk about this often, but we no longer have the freedom that we once had. We can no longer just "pick up and go", it takes about an hour for us to get her and us ready to leave the house. And since my wife is the sole provider of nourishment for her, that means we only have about 2 hours to be out and about.

Back to this freedom. My wife and I have given up much in order for Addie to have her freedom. Her freedom to not worry, to grow, to play, and to just be a baby/kid. And when I think about her there is nothing I would do to keep her safe, healthy and strong. I saw a movie last week about a man who lost his daughter through a gruesome act of violence. I will be honest, for the first time in my life I sympathized with a bad guy in a movie. He wanted justice. I understood. I don't know that I would do what he did, but I totally understand why he did the things he did. Having a child changes your world upside down and truly shows what unconditional love is all about. I love my wife. I love her dearly. I cannot imagine being married to anyone else. But, occasionally we have disagreements and in those moments I'm not so sure that my love for her is unconditional. With Addie, it doesn't matter how fussy, how long she cries, how many poopie diapers I have to change - my love never changes with her. I will do anything for her. However, sometimes when she doesn't want to go to sleep we let her stay in her crib and cry (only for 10-20 minutes and then she is fast asleep), but if we don't then her schedule is ALL messed up and later in the day she has a really hard time. So we watch her with our night time vision monitor and wait for her to rest.

I think this is the first time I really get how God sees us. He created us! He gave up sooooo much for us. I would never sacrifice my child to save others, but He did! He will do ANYTHING for us and He did! He allowed His son to die a gruesome death in order to be with us. And yet, sometimes He has to let us cry. You see, it is during those times when we cry that we learn. We learn that God has a purpose for us. We learn that He wants the best for us. But when we try to do what we think is best is when we end up seemingly all alone and crying in our crib. We think that when we are in that pain and anguish that God has left us - but really He is watching us on his night vision monitor and just waiting for us to rest.

Why so stressed?

Today is May, 16. Tomorrow then is May 17 - Sunday. One of my points includes an illustration about the Sabbath. My parents came into town this weekend and so the Sabbath for me included tearing off boards and replacing them. Took most of the day. Tomorrow is Sunday. Not really the Sabbath I am looking for. So if I seem stressed it's probably because I haven't had the down time to just sit, veg, and study God's word. His word! The word that refreshes us. The word that renews our mind, body, and spirit. So if I seem stressed, it's not because I haven't had the down time, but rather just the time to spend in my Father's word and meditate.

To fast, or not to fast?

     A couple of weeks ago I felt the Lord prompting me to fast. I prayed about it, looked at my schedule to see if it was a good time (based on advice from "books" I've read re: fasting) and decided that it wasn't. No problem - it's just a fast. It's not like God was asking me to give the homeless my lunch. He just wanted me to spend some time with Him, but I could do that tomorrow morning. 

     In Matthew chapter 9:14-15 Jesus says this, ¹⁴Then the disciples of John came to Him, asking, "Why do we and the Pharisees fast, but Your disciples do not fast?" ¹⁵And Jesus said to them, "The attendants of the bridegroom cannot mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them, can they? But the days will come when the bridegroom is taken away from them, and then they will fast."

     Jesus was saying, as long as he was here in person there was no need to fast in order to "draw closer" to Him or get an answer to a problem. However, once Jesus ascended into heaven the need for fasting was a necessary discipline. 

     What is fasting? In general fasting is the absence of food for a length of time. In my personal opinion it is for the following, but not limited to 1) to use the time that I would normally sit down and eat a meal to spend praying and studying God's word, 2) use the pain of hunger to remind myself that God can and is the only one who can truly provide for our needs, and 3) to show God that I mean business. That I am foregoing food in order to a) draw closer to Him, b) hear His voice, and/or c) receive an answer from Him.

     Problem: However, when we enter into a time of fasting we think, "oh, after the first meal God will reveal himself." Or, "OK, day one is over, tomorrow God will speak to me in a way that will be amazing." This is not usually the case. Giving up two, three or even 6 meals is really not that hard. Hunger pains only last for 20 minutes, of course they tend to become more frequent the longer you fast in the first few days. 

     My problem: What to do when someone asks you to go eat lunch? That happened to me today. I froze for a second. I didn't want him to ask me why I wouldn't eat, but I wanted to visit with him and find out about everything in his life. I could have just not gone and said I had an appointment, but that would be deceiving.

     You see I had only told my wife and one friend (since no one knows I'm blogging - I felt safe writing this). If I were to tell people that I am "fasting" then it becomes more about me and less about Him. I entered this time of fasting to find Him, to follow Him, to be obedient. Luckily my friend didn't ask why I wouldn't eat. But I realized that as we were sitting at one of my favorite restaurants, I realized that food had become one of my god's. I realized that I was CRAVING the food. Not because I was simply hungry, but because I enjoy eating. Everything I do - relationally - revolves around food! I want it. I devour it! I scarf it down so fast that my stomach doesn't have time to tell my brain, "STOP!!!! We've got a jam down here!" Eating was no longer something I did in order to live, but rather I am living in order to eat!

     Proverbs 23:2 says, "...and put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony." Let's just say that I'm glad that God decided to get my attention through fasting instead of a knife. 

     Is this what I was to gain from fasting. Probably not, but it was definitely something that I need to hear. I'm hoping for more. But I also understand that I have a lot of garbage God has to work through in order for me to hear. I hope that you will have the courage one day to do the same.

Why?

Why? this weekend I kept asking myself that simple question. Why this? Why me? Why now? It's probably because I am going through a lot of changes right now. My wife and I are pregnant for the first time and I feel that I am not ready. I feel that I'm not where I should be. I feel I should be less selfish. Granted, my wife and I (at least I was) were definitely in our mid thirties before we were even married. We had been used to living on our own, doing our own thing, planning our own meals, going on trips, out to the park or anything without worrying about anyone else. Now, our freedom is both less and more. (We'll save the more for another blog.) Why did my wife even marry me? And why did it take so many years to meet her?

Why? My spiritual life is somewhat in a place that I am enjoying, but then I ask why am I in this position? Why me?  Why has God put me in this place? 

The simple answer is because He did. HE DID! He, the creator of the universe. The maker of the galaxies and all 237 in a caterpillar's head put ME in this very place. He placed me in this position. At this time. At this moment. With these people. He, Him, God, put me in this place to 1) bring Him glory and 2) do His will!

And yet, we still ask why?