Some of the things I have been doing these past few months: coordinating a men's event for almost 2000 men with Colt McCoy, Luke McCown, and Jay Lowder, producing, filming, editing, and starring in a video that celebrated my bosses 15 year anniversary at GABC, redesigning our website, redesigning our brochure and all printed material, moving our ministry to a new location and time, promoting the move and time, planning a mission trip (that had to be canceled), celebrating Baby A's first b-day, ...oh, and walking alongside two friends who are dealing with adultery and divorce.
Walking through this time in one of my best friends life was probably one of the most confusing, hurtful, frustrating, and angry time of my life. Here was this man, whom I thought had a walk with God, studied his Bible, and tried to live out the principles of Christ - having an adulterous affair! He even admitted that he knew and recognized what he was doing was wrong and sinful. And doesn't even CARE. JERK! However, I understand how this happens. I understand that sometimes we are unable to see ourselves crossing the line of morality, but once we recognize the line has been crossed we it is too late and our brain is unable to make the right decisions. Part of this is physiological/psychological. I heard Andy Stanley talk about when our minds want something our brains release a chemical that make two things happen: 1) impact bias - our brain magnifies the satisfaction or joy our of proportion, but the second is probably more portent and is called focalism - our brain focus' on one thing and blurs out everything else. My friend claims that his marriage wasn't good, that it was missing something. Instead of trying to repair, fix or work on the issues (thirteen years ago and now) he turned elsewhere and became so focalized that he is unable to see all the other issues that will eventually arise. Let me rephrase. He understands the issues, knows what he is doing, but is unable to comprehend the impact and extent of the damage this will cause over time.
This brings me to the point of this pontification. What do I do? I still love this brother. I have tried being around him, to "understand", not to pass judgement on him, but also not to seem "ok" with what he is doing. It's been four months since my friend told me what was going on and I have been searching the scriptures to figure out how to handle and deal with the situation. This morning I opened the Holy scriptures and read out of 1 Corinthians 5 and was convicted. If you're not ready for truth then don't read on. To be completely honest I don't think I was ready for this and I have tried to reason or find other scriptures to justify not following the text. On the other hand if I am disobedient I am living in sin and wrong, and potentially contribute to the prolonging of his return to the body of believers.
Paul writes about a man in the church of Corinth in a similar circumstance. Paul says we must "deliver this man to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord...do not associate with sexually immoral people (Paul is referring to those who are considered brothers in Christ - this is by no means a judgement of the world, just believers who know the truth) - not even to eat with such a one." Whether I like this or not I must obey. You may think this seems harsh and cold. You might even think that I'm the jerk in this story. But I have never regretted obeying God's word.
Years ago I fell into a period of rebellion and turned my back on God and the church. Getting to the point of rebellion did not come over night, but was more of a process of walking closer and closer to that line of "morality". However, when I finally realized how low, sinful, and wrong I was repentance came in an instant. Restoration took a little longer, but I was finally walking down the right path.
I am praying for my friend to come to the realization that what he is doing is not worth the pain and suffering that everyone else is feeling and what he will feel in the future. By the way, in 2 Corinthians the man whom Paul was referring was restored back into the body of believers. I pray and believe this will happen with my friend.
