Not an Easy Read

     WOW! I know it's been a long time since my last post, but goodness, I hadn't realized it's been almost FIVE months. However, it's been a busy, trying, frustrating, and exciting five months.
     Some of the things I have been doing these past few months: coordinating a men's event for almost 2000 men with Colt McCoy, Luke McCown, and Jay Lowder, producing, filming, editing, and starring in a video that celebrated my bosses 15 year anniversary at GABC, redesigning our website, redesigning our brochure and all printed material, moving our ministry to a new location and time, promoting the move and time, planning a mission trip (that had to be canceled), celebrating Baby A's first b-day, ...oh, and walking alongside two friends who are dealing with adultery and divorce.
     Walking through this time in one of my best friends life was probably one of the most confusing, hurtful, frustrating, and angry time of my life. Here was this man, whom I thought had a walk with God, studied his Bible, and tried to live out the principles of Christ - having an adulterous affair! He even admitted that he knew and recognized what he was doing was wrong and sinful. And doesn't even CARE. JERK! However, I understand how this happens. I understand that sometimes we are unable to see ourselves crossing the line of morality, but once we recognize the line has been crossed we it is too late and our brain is unable to make the right decisions. Part of this is physiological/psychological. I heard Andy Stanley talk about when our minds want something our brains release a chemical that make two things happen: 1) impact bias - our brain magnifies the satisfaction or joy our of proportion, but the second is probably more portent and is called focalism - our brain focus' on one thing and blurs out everything else. My friend claims that his marriage wasn't good, that it was missing something. Instead of trying to repair, fix or work on the issues (thirteen years ago and now) he turned elsewhere and became so focalized that he is unable to see all the other issues that will eventually arise. Let me rephrase. He understands the issues, knows what he is doing, but is unable to comprehend the impact and extent of the damage this will cause over time.
     This brings me to the point of this pontification. What do I do? I still love this brother. I have tried being around him, to "understand", not to pass judgement on him, but also not to seem "ok" with what he is doing. It's been four months since my friend told me what was going on and I have been searching the scriptures to figure out how to handle and deal with the situation.  This morning I opened the Holy scriptures and read out of 1 Corinthians 5 and was convicted. If you're not ready for truth then don't read on. To be completely honest I don't think I was ready for this and I have tried to reason or find other scriptures to justify not following the text.  On the other hand if I am disobedient I am living in sin and wrong, and potentially contribute to the prolonging of his return to the body of believers.
     Paul writes about a man in the church of Corinth in a similar circumstance. Paul says we must "deliver this man to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord...do not associate with sexually immoral people (Paul is referring to those who are considered brothers in Christ - this is by no means a judgement of the world, just believers who know the truth) - not even to eat with such a one." Whether I like this or not I must obey. You may think this seems harsh and cold. You might even think that I'm the jerk in this story. But I have never regretted obeying God's word.
     Years ago I fell into a period of rebellion and turned my back on God and the church. Getting to the point of rebellion did not come over night, but was more of a process of walking closer and closer to that line of "morality". However, when I finally realized how low, sinful, and wrong I was repentance came in an instant. Restoration took a little longer, but I was finally walking down the right path.
     I am praying for my friend to come to the realization that what he is doing is not worth the pain and suffering that everyone else is feeling and what he will feel in the future. By the way, in 2 Corinthians the man whom Paul was referring was restored back into the body of believers. I pray and believe this will happen with my friend.

Blowing off Steam!

     How cool is this picture? As a young boy I dreamed of riding on a steam locomotive. At one point I think I even wanted to be a train when I grew up.  Why? Because I thought it was so cool that all this white smoke came out of the sides and smoke stack. I first fell in love with steam locomotives when my family took a trip to Silverado and Pergatory, Colorado. We got to ride the steam engine from Pergatory to Silverado. As the train came into the station it began to blow smoke. There was a strong wind coming from behind which blew the smoke in front of the train. It was like a cloud had descended around the train and provided this mystery of what was to come. I was amazed by the beauty and awesomeness of the steam. As it so happened we had taken the last train of the day and so to my surprise and great thrill I got to watch the blow down. A blow down is where at the end of the day the train engineer builds up a lot of pressure in the boiler and then releases a valve that blows out the boiler in order to get rid of all the debris that could harm the cylinder head. There is a danger when this happens. If you happen to be walking by when the engineer does this the steam could burn your skin, blind you, cause boils on your skin, make your skin melt...I think you get the point before I say more and have to put a parental guide rating on this blog.
     I was reading in Proverbs today and read, "A fool gives FULL vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back." I would like to think that I am the wise man in this story, but too often I am more like the fool giving full vent. The problem with having a "blow down" is too many people are walking by when it happens and they get burned. However, instead of letting off steam a little at a time in order to forgo the catastrophic event, I tend to blow up and out potentially damaging every relationship around me.
     As Christians we are to show love, joy, gentleness, kindness and peace to others. Recently I blogged about someone who I found irritating and who had done some things that made my "steam" build up. Instead of going to the Lord to ask him to handle the situation I went to several other people and had a "blow down". The problem with that is now people see me as the hot headed fool that brings BIG drama. Instead of handling the situation with kindness and gentleness and being wise, I now look the fool. As a result of my "blow down"s I'm afraid that others may have a negative opinion of this person. I certainly don't want that. In spite of my clashes with this person he has a good heart and a faith that exceeds mine.
     So forgive me. And I ask you - if you ever see me having a "blow down" ask me if I've blown some steam off with the Lord first.

How Far Can The Eye See?

     When was the last time you took a blanket and went outside, turned out all the lights and lie down on your back and stare up at the stars in the sky? I recently read a book by Francis Chan (Crazy Love) who had a link to a video about the Universe and how large and vast it is. Chan made the statement that God is bigger than the universe. I don't know if Chan was being metaphorical or he was saying that God is HUGE physically, but after watching the video I had to go outside and look up to the stars. Granted, I could only see so far. As matter of fact, the naked eye can only see about 5 planets within our own solar system. The eye can see much much more, but it depends on the brightness, blah, blah, blah. Sorry for more check this quick link.
     As I looked at the stars, knowing some were really other galaxies, I became curious. What's past our galaxy? I know that the Hubble telescope can see past our galaxy, but what's beyond that. Scientists tell us that the our galaxy is always expanding. Yet, they also tell us that some of the stars that we see right now have already burned out. This got me to thinking about my own life.
     I recently turned 38. I still like to say I'm in my mid thirties, but let's be honest, I'm dang close to being in my forties (although a stranger the other day said that I look like I'm in my late 20's - God has a special place in Heaven for her ;). Each morning when I wake I find new aches and pains as the years go on. My body is no longer able to do the things I once could when I was in my late 20's. However, in my heart and mind I feel like instead of the aches and pains I feel new, refreshed, and as if my spirit is like the universe and is ever expanding.
     I am reminded of what Paul said in 2 Corinthians 4. Paul has compared his life to heavy burden that was too heavy to carry. But now, we see in 16-18 that his burden is...well...Paul puts it better than I do so I will let him say it and hopefully bring you some hope for today:

16"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away (like the stars in the heavens), our inner self is being renewed day by day. 17 For this light momentary affliction (read life) is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, (read the best party and hangout time you couldn't even imagine) 18...as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."

     Sometime this week take a walk outside late at night and just look up at the stars. Look at the vastness, the stars and galaxies. Knowing that what you see is minuscule compared to the rest of the universe.  Knowing that as the universe is ever expanding, God is renewing and expanding your inner self for that day when we all get to finally see what's beyond the last universe.

Body Blows!

     I read a Proverb once that says, "A severe beating can knock ALL of the evil out of you." How's that for an opening statement? I don't know about you, but when I get a beatin' I certainly don't feel like it's knocking anything out of me other than LIFE! These past couple of months have been difficult.  I have been dealing with several individuals who "do not play well with others". One person in particular even went so far as to make the statement, "Do you not know who I am?" (it probably didn't help that I laughed when I heard it). But, in-spite of me not taking him seriously, he has caused quite a bit of havoc. Usually this would not be a big deal, however, because of a lack of communication I have had to spend an inordinate amount of time running around to various people and meetings to figure out what is going on and finding answers/solutions for the problems that arise. I have been accused of doing this for the glory. I'm not saying that I don't appreciate the occasional paparazzi here and there, but this accusation is so far from the truth that, again, when I heard it I had to laugh out loud.  Dealing with some of the guys would be so much easier for me to just give it up, turn it over to someone else, sit back, relax and watch. But that's not me. The plan, vision and goal are worth getting a little stepped on or pushed around. When it comes right down to it, the problems that have risen from the lack of planning on other individuals is really not a big deal in the overall scheme of the world. It is simply just frustrating.   So dealing with people's quirks and inabilities to communicate (although I have my own quirks and lack of ability that other's must deal with) is really not a huge fight. More of an annoyance like that gnat constantly buzzing around your ear on a hot summer night while you're trying to fall asleep in a tent. So after taking a step back, laughing, I saw a way to lessen the blow, take it for the team and come out all right.
     Yet, day after day I visit with individuals who are in real fights and struggles. People who struggle with addictions, anger, bitterness, hurt, and down right loneliness. These things cause pain! These all can be major body blows. What do we do when this happens? How can we lessen the pain? Can we bob and weave? Or simply tighten the muscles in anticipation of the blow and take it?
     Sometimes the first thing we must do is take a step back from whatever situation we are in and look at the whole picture. Try to see what is causing the pain. Is this pain something we can control? If it is, if the pain we are feeling was because we made a stupid decision then sometimes it's just like the Proverb above. The beatings refine us when we do stupid things. The beatings remind us the next time we find ourselves in  a similar situation to make a different choice. We must remember the words Paul wrote to the people of Galatia. He (Paul) essentially told the people of Galatia that each and every day we will feel the pull of the world to satisfy selfish desires. To chase after those things that do no last. To long for the things that only provide a temporary happiness or fulfillment.  When we succumb to this we no longer allow the Spirit to guide us and direct our paths, thereby inviting the beatings into our lives. (I am loosely translating chapter 5).
     Sometimes stepping back out of reach of the blow allows that quick look at where you can attack. Sometimes God allows the blows to come in order to refine us and allow His will to take place. It is during these times that it is hardest. When we have done all that we can do, we are not being selfish,  we aren't looking for a temporary fix, or that immediate gratification in something temporal. Those blows are the hardest to absorb. And even if we can take a step back we aren't sure what is next, where to bob or weave, or how to attack. We simply just have to trust. Sometimes trusting is the hardest blow to take. Yet, God has promised to give us the strength to take it. To heal quickly. To have the peace that comes with knowing that God works all things together for His purpose and for His good. His good is what we are ultimately after. Some of you who read this are having a hard time seeing. I understand. I have been there in times of doubt, shame, frustration, and with no end in sight. I am here to encourage you. When you do finally get to the end of that suffering there is a peace and understanding. There is a new found trust and faith in Him who allowed it to happen. So keep your gloves up, stomach tightened, mouth piece in and head  gear firmly attached. You will make it. You will heal. You will overcome!

Resiliency is a Process

     I woke up this morning EXHAUSTED! When April 1st comes around I will not have had a day off in over 40 days. (sounds like a fast). I woke up this morning thinking of everything I need to do today, about this past week and my various conversations with people in my ministry and people who I have to work with on a HUGE project here at church. I won't lie - I am ready for some time away. Honestly, I have been pretty beaten up this week. I'm not saying that I didn't deserve the beatings, it's just why did they all have to come within a couple of days of each other.  And had this been the case 15 years ago I probably would have just left. However, leaving or walking away isn't the answer. Sure, I might get some physical rest, but emotionally I would be a wreck because all of this work is waiting for me to do and people are relying on me to keep my act together and "produce". And yet, this isn't my first rodeo. I've been thrown off the horse, so to speak, and eventually climbed back on after a beating or two. So today I continue to plod along, put my nose to the grindstone, run the race, ...you pick the analogy.

     But isn't our faith a lot like this. If you are reading this and you are a follower of Christ you probably remember the day that you were able to say those words, "I am now a Christian". But that wasn't the end was it? It's not like saying those words made you immediately a better person. No, as a matter of fact ALL it did was allow God to see you as righteous and gave you the power to change, but it was a PROCESS. And as time went on you continued to face trials, heartache, and pain. But each time you did, and you made the choice to choose the "right" path, you became stronger - you became more resilient. Gordon MacDonald said this about resilient Christians, "...it describes a life-journey in which one walks in the ways of Christ and gradually becomes more like Him in conduct and inner orientation. Resilient people think in terms of a big picture, and this is one of the things they think about and ask themselves as they look down the road of their journeys: Am I becoming a Christian?" 

     So many times, as Christians, we do something stupid that the world sees and gives Christianity a bad rap. I wish the world could understand that Christianity is a process. When we get angry and loose our temper with someone, treat the cashier at Wally-world like an idiot, erase ALL your computer files on your work computer 'cause you got fired and your ego won't let you see that you are replaceable - I wish the world could see that we are imperfect and still growing and becoming resilient to the junk of this world. Romans 5:3-5 says,  "³ We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. ⁴ And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. ⁵ And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love." 

     I know you may be having a horrible day or week. Or maybe your week isn't horrible, but man you wish you didn't have to deal with some of the things going on in your life, so REJOICE! God loves you and me, He wants to fill your heart with love. I think about this every time I walk into a store and have had a long day and probably not in the best of moods. I ask the Lord to allow me to show love. That the love He has placed in my heart will be seen. When I do this - consciously - it is amazing how I see that person blocking the aisle with their buggy, or the cashier who will hardly acknowledge that I am standing in his/her line and keeps screwing up the check-out. I simply smile because maybe they are having a bad day too. Maybe they just need someone to acknowledge their presence with a simple hello or kind word. Maybe.

The Frustrated Mustard Seed

     I had a very interesting conversation yesterday with several people who I trust and look to for feedback, ideas, help, and friendship. One of them I had not met with in some time and to be frank, she let me have it. My first instinct was to bow up and get defensive - fight back. But, again this was from someone I trust and value her input; this was not someone from the outside and maybe just didn't understand me or the ministry. And so I listened as she shared her frustrations about me and the ministry we serve and I desperately fought the urge to go on the offensive. Oh, and I could have, 'cause I love a good fight and so I always have ammunition in the chamber...but I digress. Let me get to one of her frustrations. 
      She expressed how frustrated she was due to the seemingly lack of "growth" or "change" within our group, especially our leadership. Previously before coming to our ministry she had been involved with ministries where people were uprooting their lives to go "change" the world. As she was talking about how frustrated she is with people when they hear a lesson or are challenged but not applying it to their lives I began to think of those in our ministry who had changed. Those individuals whose lives are completely going in the opposite direction of where they were headed 1, 2, or more years ago.
     And then I read Mark 4:26-32. ²⁶And he said, "The kingdom of God is as if a man should scatter seed on the ground. ²⁷He sleeps and rises night and day, and the seed sprouts and grows; he knows not how. ²⁸The earth produces by itself, first the blade, then the ear, then the full grain in the ear. ²⁹But when the grain is ripe, at once he puts in the sickle, because the harvest has come." ³⁰And he said, "With what can we compare the kingdom of God, or what parable shall we use for it? ³¹It is like a grain of mustard seed, which, when sown on the ground, is the smallest of all the seeds on earth, ³²yet when it is sown it grows up and becomes larger than all the garden plants and puts out large branches, so that the birds of the air can make nests in its shade." 
     Before I begin to dissect this parable I want to say that I too get frustrated at times when I personally cannot measure the growth of others, or see change in behavior, or able to count how many people are walking with the Lord and walking in righteousness. First of all it's not my job to judge this or even within my ability to see the change from within. 
     Back to the parable: Verses 26-29 talks about how a farmer scatters a seed, but really has nothing to do but watch it grow. It grows by itself without the help of humans. For me we are to spread the Word, but it is up to the Lord to allow that to grow. Secondly, 30-32 talks of the Mustard seed. How does one of the smallest seeds in the world grow to have enormous branches that provide shade, shelter, and beauty to others. I would like to point out one thing. Here Jesus was speaking of the kingdom of God. It was believed in His time that the Christ would come suddenly and overnight and change the world. However, Jesus says "look, the kingdom isn't going to happen overnight - it's gonna take some time." Jim's paraphrase. 
     I think there are times when we throw down a mustard seed, water it a little, put some potting soil around, go to sleep and then wake up the next day and expect to see a mature, fully grown tree. I'm not saying that there are those seeds that do seem to pop out of the ground a little quicker, grow to what seems like a mature adult that is reproducing, providing shelter, shade and a place to find refuge - but that's the exception and a-typical. 
     As my friend was talking about this I was thinking of a young lady who three years ago could be in a room, never open her mouth, scared to even discuss spiritual things, and most people wouldn't even KNOW she was in the room. Now, three years later she reaches out to new people, she enjoys the spiritual conversations, she is concerned for the spiritual growth of those around us. I thought of another young man who grew up under a different teaching of the scriptures/theology and see him now serving on one of our teams. How he has matured and grown. But this has taken years, not days or even weeks.
     So how does this apply to us. 1) I think this type of frustration is healthy and good. If there is not a frustration or dissatisfaction with where we are then why try. Why share the Word? Why reach out to those who are hurting? Why come together and worship? I love these conversations, even though they can be uncomfortable at times. These conversations help push me to be better, to strive harder, to reflect upon my actions, thoughts, and ideas. We need to be frustrated.
     Secondly, we must recognize that "growth" and "change" don't always come overnight. I would bet that change almost NEVER comes overnight or even quickly. We must remember that "...the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart." (I Samuel 16:7) We don't always know how long the Lord has been working within someone, we only see the decision that is made whether drastic, life altering, or even unnoticeable. But it's there. God is working. We must keep working!
     Thank you "friend" for this conversation. I pray that their will be fruit. 
      

What was I thinking?

     This past week I went on a trip to Guatemala and one afternoon I had the opportunity to take an adventurous ride on a scooter around Antigua, Guatemala.  I would say for most people this is probably an incredibly stupid, crazy, and unwise activity to pursue in a foreign land! Why? As an American we believe  traffic signs and laws should be adhered to by the letter, whereas, in Guatemala these are merely suggestions. Oh, yes - a stop sign merely means yield. Lanes of traffic only matter if someone else is there. However, when you are on a scooter it is expected that you stay on the right hand shoulder. You don't swerve to the right or the left, cause you will get HIT by anything and everything!
     My experience riding a scooter in Guatemala was appropriate as I was reading this mornings in Proverbs. Solomon says this in chapter 4, "Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure. Do not swerve to the right or to the left..." The FIRST word in this scripture is what really stood out to me. Ponder by definition means "to consider something deeply and thoroughly; meditate". How many decisions do we make each day without truly pondering on them. In grad school I was a graduate assistant for a professor teaching Eco-tourism. We had a large project coming up and she had lost her voice and asked me to present the project and answer any questions the students might have. At the end of class she praised me and was impressed that I was able to answer the questions so quickly without having to spend anytime thinking things through. I was just as amazed as she was.  However, it wasn't until we started putting the project in place that we realized that I should have pondered some of my answers. Thankfully they weren't critical, but had I just given a minute to each of the questions to think about the long term effect of my answer we could have saved time in the end.
     My point is this: even though some of life's questions appear simple and seem to not need a lot of time in thinking them through - maybe we should. Even though a question may not seem incredibly important at the time, it may have lasting consequences on your life. Each time I wanted to turn to the right or left in Guatemala I had to decide if it was safe or not. Now, riding a scooter was easy to decide - all I had to do was look over my shoulder and see if there was a bright, shiny big bus coming up beside me. However, in the adventures of life we don't have the opportunity to look over our shoulder to see if there is a big red bus coming up ready to plow us over.  Therefore, each decision must be made with careful thought and purpose - even those decisions that seem inconsequential.
     Remember Indiana Jones in the Search for the Holy Grail! The old English Knight told Indie - "Choose wisely!"

The Fig Tree

Lately I have been reflecting on my life.  I have been reflecting on where I am spiritually, professionally, and relationally. I was feeling a little "far" from God today and so I simply asked Him to share with me today. As I do every time I open His word I turn to Proverbs and read the chapter that coincides with the days date. Honestly, nothing jumped out at me.

So I then turned to the New Testament. Mark 11:12-14 literally JUMPED off the page at me. This is what Mark recounts of Jesus that day: "On the following day, when they came from Bethany, he (Jesus) was hungry. 13 And seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf (leaves in full bloom meant there should be figs), he went to see if he could find anything on it. When he came to it, he found nothing but leaves for it was not the season for figs. 14 And he said to it, "May no one ever eat fruit from you again." And his disciples heard it." (italics added by me)

As I began to study these 3 verses, I discovered that the fig tree was used in the Old Testament as a metaphor for Israel's standing before God. I realized, sadly, that the fig tree could be used as a metaphor for my life as well. You see, my life has ALL the leaves. I pray, I go to worship, I talk about God and who He is in my life...but can anyone find a "fig" or "fruit" of righteousness in my life. I have all the outward signs of a believer (leaves), but where is my fruit? What does that look like? Lord knows I am not always a good representative of the gospel.

Maybe you are in the same "rut" as I seem to be. But don't be disheartened. Jesus gives a short answer that seems to almost have nothing to do with "figs".  He says in verse 22, "Have faith in God." Huh? What does having faith have to do with having fruit in our lives. I think Jesus was saying two things here.

First, we must trust that God can remove anything that hinders us from bearing good fruit. Sometimes that is simply allowing us to have a fresh outlook on how we worship. Instead of our worship being a ritualistic or even habitual event, worship becomes new, refreshing, and exciting.

Secondly, in that simple verb, "HAVE", requires for us to do something. We must be willing to ask God for faith. To ask Him to remove any doubts, transgressions, or temptations that keep us from faith.

So, have faith! All you have to do is ask. See what else Jesus says in Mark 11.

My Favorite Time of the Day!

Monday was our first day to put Addison in day care. I will admit, I'm usually pretty easy going and my thoughts were, "No big deal. Thousands of families everyday put their children in childcare and everything turns out find." Well, I showed up that afternoon to pick her up and she had been balling her eyes out. I was so freaked out that as I was introduced to a local celebrity I hardly even noticed and didn't even ask for an autograph. My second thought after, "What have you done to my child? If you would have just followed the instructions!!!" was, "That's it Lord, I am going to find job in the secular world where I know I could make at least twice as much and that way Chandra wouldn't have to work and she could stay home. I'll still share your word, but I'm not going to let this happen to my child. She is obviously traumatized and the therapy bills from this ordeal after only being alive for 3 months is going to be long and costly." I even teared up a little. But after a few minutes in the car I calmed down and realized that there will be an adjustment period.

However, the next day when I went to pick her up (although she wasn't crying) was almost more traumatizing to the parents in that they fed her 30 minutes before her mom comes home to feed her. Momma bear was not a happy camper. But again, once we got in the car I was able to calm down and she was peaceful in her car seat looking at the mirror looking at me. Then...yesterday happened! She was fine. She had eaten well. She had slept well. And when we got in the car she was actually smiling through her mirror every time I would look at her. We have been around Addie 24/7 for the past 3 months - we know her cries, we know her smiles, we know when she's tired and when she is hungry and when she is not. We've had 3 months to get to know her. Our daycare has had 5 days - and they have probably done just as good if not better than we have. It just takes time to get to know the other.

And today, I was sitting in my chair in front of my computer (iMac if you must know) and reflecting on this past week and realized that right around noon I began to count down the hours until I go and pick her up from daycare. I become anxious. I start to get excited with anticipation for those little moments when she is finally in my arms and we climb in the car and she begins to laugh and respond to my smile and my voice. THAT is my favorite time of the day!

And then it dawned on me! Our Father is sitting in His chair in heaven counting down the hours for when we talk. He is looking forward with anticipation for those special little moments He gets to hear our laugh and watch with expectation our response when we hear His voice. Unlike me on that first day, He is prepared for when we cry and are in despair or traumatized by life's heartaches. And I'm sure He is thinking, "If you had only followed My instructions." But instead, He waits for  us with a deep anticipation of picking us up in His arms and getting to spend that time with us.

How long does He have to wait for us?

Luke 12:6-7