Why so stressed?

Today is May, 16. Tomorrow then is May 17 - Sunday. One of my points includes an illustration about the Sabbath. My parents came into town this weekend and so the Sabbath for me included tearing off boards and replacing them. Took most of the day. Tomorrow is Sunday. Not really the Sabbath I am looking for. So if I seem stressed it's probably because I haven't had the down time to just sit, veg, and study God's word. His word! The word that refreshes us. The word that renews our mind, body, and spirit. So if I seem stressed, it's not because I haven't had the down time, but rather just the time to spend in my Father's word and meditate.

To fast, or not to fast?

     A couple of weeks ago I felt the Lord prompting me to fast. I prayed about it, looked at my schedule to see if it was a good time (based on advice from "books" I've read re: fasting) and decided that it wasn't. No problem - it's just a fast. It's not like God was asking me to give the homeless my lunch. He just wanted me to spend some time with Him, but I could do that tomorrow morning. 

     In Matthew chapter 9:14-15 Jesus says this, ¹⁴Then the disciples of John came to Him, asking, "Why do we and the Pharisees fast, but Your disciples do not fast?" ¹⁵And Jesus said to them, "The attendants of the bridegroom cannot mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them, can they? But the days will come when the bridegroom is taken away from them, and then they will fast."

     Jesus was saying, as long as he was here in person there was no need to fast in order to "draw closer" to Him or get an answer to a problem. However, once Jesus ascended into heaven the need for fasting was a necessary discipline. 

     What is fasting? In general fasting is the absence of food for a length of time. In my personal opinion it is for the following, but not limited to 1) to use the time that I would normally sit down and eat a meal to spend praying and studying God's word, 2) use the pain of hunger to remind myself that God can and is the only one who can truly provide for our needs, and 3) to show God that I mean business. That I am foregoing food in order to a) draw closer to Him, b) hear His voice, and/or c) receive an answer from Him.

     Problem: However, when we enter into a time of fasting we think, "oh, after the first meal God will reveal himself." Or, "OK, day one is over, tomorrow God will speak to me in a way that will be amazing." This is not usually the case. Giving up two, three or even 6 meals is really not that hard. Hunger pains only last for 20 minutes, of course they tend to become more frequent the longer you fast in the first few days. 

     My problem: What to do when someone asks you to go eat lunch? That happened to me today. I froze for a second. I didn't want him to ask me why I wouldn't eat, but I wanted to visit with him and find out about everything in his life. I could have just not gone and said I had an appointment, but that would be deceiving.

     You see I had only told my wife and one friend (since no one knows I'm blogging - I felt safe writing this). If I were to tell people that I am "fasting" then it becomes more about me and less about Him. I entered this time of fasting to find Him, to follow Him, to be obedient. Luckily my friend didn't ask why I wouldn't eat. But I realized that as we were sitting at one of my favorite restaurants, I realized that food had become one of my god's. I realized that I was CRAVING the food. Not because I was simply hungry, but because I enjoy eating. Everything I do - relationally - revolves around food! I want it. I devour it! I scarf it down so fast that my stomach doesn't have time to tell my brain, "STOP!!!! We've got a jam down here!" Eating was no longer something I did in order to live, but rather I am living in order to eat!

     Proverbs 23:2 says, "...and put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony." Let's just say that I'm glad that God decided to get my attention through fasting instead of a knife. 

     Is this what I was to gain from fasting. Probably not, but it was definitely something that I need to hear. I'm hoping for more. But I also understand that I have a lot of garbage God has to work through in order for me to hear. I hope that you will have the courage one day to do the same.

Why?

Why? this weekend I kept asking myself that simple question. Why this? Why me? Why now? It's probably because I am going through a lot of changes right now. My wife and I are pregnant for the first time and I feel that I am not ready. I feel that I'm not where I should be. I feel I should be less selfish. Granted, my wife and I (at least I was) were definitely in our mid thirties before we were even married. We had been used to living on our own, doing our own thing, planning our own meals, going on trips, out to the park or anything without worrying about anyone else. Now, our freedom is both less and more. (We'll save the more for another blog.) Why did my wife even marry me? And why did it take so many years to meet her?

Why? My spiritual life is somewhat in a place that I am enjoying, but then I ask why am I in this position? Why me?  Why has God put me in this place? 

The simple answer is because He did. HE DID! He, the creator of the universe. The maker of the galaxies and all 237 in a caterpillar's head put ME in this very place. He placed me in this position. At this time. At this moment. With these people. He, Him, God, put me in this place to 1) bring Him glory and 2) do His will!

And yet, we still ask why?